Today’s Black Friday Sale—The most desirable manifestation of matter in the universe! Limited time only, from 1:00:00pm to 1:00:07pm today, Pacific Standard Time. $1 billion off the already spectacular price of…priceless! Yes, during this time only, if you’re quick enough, you get the discount of $1 billion dollars off. Since she’s priceless, you still have to pay an infinite amount of money, but isn’t it nice knowing you get a discount? Use discount code #HAHABUYMEANDYOUDIE.

I chose this today because, even though Black Friday disgusts me, she looks like she’s on sale in this photo. Like some idiot put her there for display purposes. And she’s kind of putting up with it and looking around at all the bidders with a mixture of amusement and boredom. Boredom because at any moment she can burn everyone down with her laser eyes, and amusement because, haha, like the Goddess can be purchased at any price.

Susan cannot be bought. She’s not a commodity, nor an object to crave. And even if she were, we’re all too poor to afford her.

Photo by Insuh Yoon.